Your Questions About Gardening

GardenersCardiff answers:

Garden gnomes will first be given life due to some radio active lawn fertilizer and will attempt to take over the world, but will be stopped by aliens who will destroy half the world.
Then the aliens will be killed by Godzilla who will try to destroy whats left of the world but will be stopped when he’s half done by Bambi(from the Disney movie) and will assassinate all the survivors and the in like 5 million years the sun will blow up and destroy whats left. THE END

GardenersCardiff answers:

You bet your sweet life they do. They fall roughly into the following:

Royalty.
Unbelievably wealthy, who do nothing much except swan around the world at the taxpayers expense and wave at the peasants from gingerbread coaches and the back of Rolls Royce’s. Now and again, one of them gets married and everyone gets an attack of Royal fever and waves Union flags

Upper Class
All live in draughty castles and stately homes that their ancestors stole from somebody else three hundred years ago. These edifices are full of rusty suits of armour, priceless antiques and big hairy spiders. These gentry own 98% of the country and guard their domains from incursions by the peasants by the simple expedient of shooting them, setting man-traps, or leaving rottweilers to roam their vast estates. They wear tweeds, own a pair of £125,000 Purdeys, and can be seen at Royal Ascot and the Henley Regatta, getting pissed and going “Haw haw haw” in high nasal tones. They don’t bother voting, as most of their friends are already running the country.

Middle Class
Bank managers, Harley Street surgeons, Stockbrokers, Company accountants, and other print-your-own-money professions. They all own four cars, and holiday in Klosters, Monte Carlo, and the lesser known Caribbean islands. They all play ‘Gofe’ and their sons are down for Eton five years before they are conceived. Their pale wives like to ‘get involved in village life, which usually means running the Women’s Institute and shagging the gardener because she ‘likes a bit of rough’.
They live in leafy suburbia, all vote Conservative and have offshore bank accounts and a holiday home in Barbados.

Lower Class
Work as bricklayers, motor-mechanics, taxi drivers and in other essential services that the other three classes look down upon, and who they force to use the tradesman’s entrance. They are struggling to pay a mortgage and holiday in the Costas. Their cars are usually borderline MOT disasters, they live in new housing with neat lawns and gnomes, a downstairs toilet is a rare luxury,and the one thing they all aspire to is garden decking and mock-Tudor leaded-pane double glazing. They vote Liberal Democrat because they want to be seen as independant thinkers.

Peasants .
Forced to live on council estates that make Beirut look positively attractive. Their gardens are full of brightly coloured kids toys, rusty engine blocks and empty Special Brew cans. They drive cars that have failed the past nineteen MOT’s, and cannot go anywhere without bits dropping off They have seven kids and can just afford a short break in Skegness every year, if they can get that far without getting pulled by the old bill. They all have vast 38 foot plasma TV’s, and stereo systems that can be heard on Mars. Satellite dishes sprout like a forest of mushrooms, they wear baseball caps and baggy shorts and are often festooned with tattoos. Many own pitbull-type dogs because it makes them look hard, their wives look constantly knackered and work part-time stacking shelves in Tesco’s. He is often on the dole, and hasn’t worked since he was three..The teenagers look upon an ASBO as a an achievement worthy of the highest praise, and when they are not stealing cars or setting fire to dustbins, spend their time stoned out of their skulls on the skunk that the neighbourhood entrepreneur grows in his loft. They don’t bother voting because they are often inside on Polling Day..

GardenersCardiff answers:

Oh my god. Really…

I’m on my way, where’s the alley?