If this was a book, would you buy it for your kid?
A long, long, long time ago when the earth was still young and undamaged by mankind there lived an old woman, her name was Mother Earth. She ruled the land and all that lived upon it.
She was slender and fragile and seemed easy to break but stood upon the earth like a rock that couldn’t be moved. Her skin was smooth and flawless and had the look of marble. Her cheeks a rosy pink from the wind that bit at her face. She had long white hair that reached to the ground. She held the secrets of the entire world in her smoky gray eyes.
Mother Earth loved all of her creations but above all she treasured her unicorns the most.
She often visited with the Unicorns, loving their free spirits, their beauty and grace while galloping playfully across the fields of silky green grass. Their pure white coats would shine in the sunlight giving off a brilliant white light. Their manes as soft as pussy willows and flowing majestically in the wind as they played a game of friendly chase.
One day, while Mother Nature was walking with her Unicorns along the shores of the great blue ocean she spied her old friend, Poseidon, King of the Sea.
“Poseidon, dear friend, it’s seems like ages since we last met, Mother Earth called out, raising her voice to be heard above the crashing sound of the waves.
He seemed distracted and didn’t reply right away, gazing off in the direction of her lovely Unicorns.
“My dearest Mother Nature, what are those magnificent beasts that follow in your wake,” Poseidon asked excitedly.
“Those beasts that you are so interested in are my beloved Unicorns,” she answered suspiciously, noticing the gleam in his eyes as his interest returned once more to the Unicorn.
“My dearest, I must acquire one of your creations as my own,” he said impatiently, leaning forward in the sea bed, awaiting her answer.
“I am afraid that I cannot fulfill your request as each one is too precious to me.”
Mother Nature stood tall as she saw the anger that flashed across his face. The sea started to churn, the water turning dark and choppy as she stood calmly by.
“How dare you deny me! No one ever denies the Great King of the Sea. You will be sorry!” Poseidon shouted before diving back into the sea
Many months passed and her argument with Poseidon soon faded into an unhappy memory. Mother Nature tended to her various jobs. She made the flowers bloom, the fruit rapier, the many gardens to grow and the trees to give shelter to her various animal friends.
One day when Mother Nature stopped to rest she heard the sweetest sound coming from the sea. Curious, she followed the magical music. There sitting upon a rock was Poseidon playing a flute made from what appeared to be sea shells. The most enchanted music floated through the air. From behind her Mother Nature heard the pounding of hooves running towards the sound. Horrified and angry she realized what Poseidon had done. He meant to steal not one but all of her precious Unicorns.
“I curse you, Poseidon,” she screamed with all her might. The earth shook with her anger while she raged at Poseidon. “You will never have my beauties,” she shouted to Poseidon’s horror, he watched as each Unicorn that ran past her into the sea, turn from a pure wild spirit into a small insignificant fish.
“You wanted my creation, behold, my new creation will now be called a seahorse”, she laughed as this small spiky brown long-nosed fish reached Poseidon. The glorious Unicorn was no more and that is how the seahorse came to be.
Yup it was cute. Just have to change a few lines to make them understan a little bit more, since they are kids and all.
Critique on my writing? Easy 10 points!?
I want your honest opinions on this and how I can improve I started writing this story about 3 days ago and I now have about 20 pages. Just looking for some honest criticism.
Thanks in advance!
I lead him passed several tall, wooden bookcases, my fingers itching to take out the red bound Mark Twain set to read. The library was one of the only places of earth that made me feel as if I were only half sane, sometimes just being here made me feel as though I were going to go mad just by staring at the books because of course, they were the closest things I had to friends. Other then Ms. Tina, the lunch lady, of course. Among my favorites were The Secret Garden and The Odyssey, but the list could go on and on forever and ever. Reading was more then a hobby of mine, it was part of my life. I loved reading and rereading a book because it was like a movie; the first time you read it you understand it, but the second time you go even deeper.
“Are we there yet,” he asked.
“Yeah, you can open your eyes now.”
We were here, my favorite place on earth. I looked at Tristan and noticed that his jaw was dropped with an expression that looked as though he were in awe. We were standing up in front of a large, brown framed window that had a velvet cushioned seat built next to it. The window had a wonderful view of the city of New York. Looking out, we could see Times Square and it’s abundance of skyscrapers with tiny, ant like windows. Everything looked so small from up there, it felt as if we were ancient Greek gods looking down on the city of Athens. There were a couple of planes flying adrift in the sky, seeming as if they were aimlessly going somewhere far away as the soft, white clouds playfully covered them. As always, there were birds in the endless blue sky in the shape of what seemed to be an arrow.
“Wow, this is… breathtaking,” Tristan whispered.
“And that’s why I love it,” Eliana smiled, “Sometimes I feel as if I could stay up here all day and not worry about a thing or deal with Sylvia, you know?”
I kind of get the point of what you were trying to say, but the grammatical mistakes were really getting in the way… You should post it to the collablab at Lafango to see what assistance you can get from other, more experienced, writers. Good Luck!
I want to be a scientist, work in a lab, study diseases, run tests, etc.. how can I do that?
I was born to be a scientist. I’ve loved Biology since I was a little girl.. my parents gave me a frog and a dissecting kit for my birthday once, i always longed for a microscope but it was too expensive for me, i’d pretend to freeze ants to later bring them to life, i collected and dissected worms, i even had a self-made book with plant leaves from my grandmother’s garden when i was 7, My dad once bought me an 11th grade science book and i read it 10 times (i was in 7th grade).
Science.. Biology especially is my passion but due to incredibly stupid mistakes and major depression i went for psychology which was the easiest career choice and i got a B.A. with 3.0 but my true and absolute passion is Biology. I’d be happy collecting samples and being in a lab all day even if I’m alone.
Will financial aid cover a 2nd bachelor’s? if not i’ll work as a social worker and pay for my Biology degree but what career will get me working as a lab scientist? I want to travel and study all kinds of different things.
No financial aid will not cover a 2nd bachelor’s degree so yes you will have to pay that out of your pocket. Another alternative will be to finished up your masters in a science course to allow you to work in lab. Either or you will have to finance your education now. Good luck on your endeavors.
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