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Your Questions About Gardening « gardenerscardiff.co.uk
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gardenerscardiff.co.uk

For the Best Gardeners in the Cardiff Area

   Jul 14

Your Questions About Gardening

Mary asks…

Are the striking similarities between software development and God a mere coincidence, or by design?

Software Development:

— You think carefully about a design for an upcoming project, using an operating system, development environment, and design tools you’re comfortable with.

God:

— You think carefully about a design for an upcoming project. You create your own universe as a blank slate.

Software Development:

— You lay down a framework on which to build the logic of your program. It has inputs and outputs and rules for each part of the program to follow. In the meantime, between coffee breaks and boring meetings, you write the initial documentation and put it up on a wiki page on the corporate intranet.

God:

— You create quantum physics and biology and indeed, life itself. You create the earth, a wide array of life forms, and human beings. You create a habitable living space for them to be fruitful and multiply, and you provide them a Book by which you tell your story and tell humans how to live their lives.

Software Development:

— Dissatisfied with the boredom of waiting for a project manager to get back to you, or for users to test your creation, you decide to tweak some of the variables on a test environment to see what’ll happen. You flip the signs of some dollar amounts to see what happens. You modify some variables of a running process to see what “falls out”. You ask a user to push some buttons or input some values and track their activity to observe the result.

God:

— Bored with omnipotence and omniscience, you decide to tweak your creation, earth, with a few variables. You divert some asteroids from the rim of the solar system and send them crashing to earth at random intervals. You poke a guy named Steve Irwin square in the chest with a stingray’s barb, just to see what happens. You crack the sea floor, unleashing a massive earthquake and a tsunami which floods thousands of miles of coastline. You carefully observe the impact of the changes you make, as well as the changes that spontaneously occur as a result of your system’s own internal energies, imbued with power by you.

Software Development:

— The day for the initial release has come. Customers line up to your e-commerce site to purchase and download the first version of your product. You offer incentives including a chance to win a $1,000 Amazon Gift Card and even a brand new Toyota Yaris for purchasing your product. You bundle with the product the initial documentation, saved as a huge HTML document, directly off the wiki page. You had a few (cute) interns give it a once-over, and are confident it’s all the users need to make use of the software.

God:

— The end of days for earth have come. You haven’t updated your Book in ages, although at one point you played a trick on a fellow you created who was given the name Brigham Young and tweaked his neurons with a substance you designed, which activated after he had a meal of some unusual, but tasty, mushrooms, after which he decided to write his own quaint treatise on your will and words, all fabricated but nonetheless pretty flattering. You begin the steps towards ending the universe.

Software Development:

— It’s been a year since your initial release. Bug reports arrive daily, but you don’t care, you’ve banked enough coin with corporate support contracts and subscriptions to enable you to take a 6-month sabbatical in China. You grin to yourself smugly and think, “They’re just users, they’re a dime a dozen!”

God:

The star the earth was circling has grown into a red giant and enveloped the earth, destroying all life, except for John McCain and Ann Coulter. As they gasp their last, they ask you why they’ve been forsaken and all that jazz. You roll your eyes and let the system run its course. The bones of billions of your creatures on earth have long since been pulverized or fossilized. You grin to yourself smugly and think, “They were just humans, they’re a shekel a dozen!”

GardenersCardiff answers:

How about I create a game where I can enter a room full of software developers where these software developers look ridiculous?

Susan asks…

Does this sound okay? Please read?

It’s a little over a page long, I will return the favour if you want me to answer/read something! Do you think it sounds okay?

“Jace, I’d trust you with my life you know that… I just don’t, well, trust you with your own.”

Emily refused to look Jace in the eyes, she averted her gaze to the cluster of teenagers out the front of the small café. One of the teenagers stood out amongst the rest, she stood tall in her Doc Martens and ripped stockings. Her blonde hair was matted against her forehead and Emily could tell, even from this distance, that that particular shade of blonde wasn’t the girl’s natural hair colour.

Jace used the side of his fork to slice his rubbery fried egg in half. Yolk escaped from the egg, pooling at the corner of the plate and turning brown from excess barbeque sauce. Emily looked on as Jace put half the egg in his mouth in one go. Sauce dribbled down his chin.

A smile escaped Emily’s lips as she, for a brief second, remembered who Jace used to be. Before Hero in Retrospect had formed, before he thought he was the next Johnny Rotten, before all of that, he had been someone Emily admired. He had been someone she wanted to grow old with and get married to but now she could barely stand him.

Jace picked up the jug of black coffee and poured himself another cup. The doorbell of the café rang as the teenage girl in white Doc Martens confidently walked through the door and ordered a coffee at the counter.

“Have you been writing any songs lately?” Emily looked at Jace, wishing she could make him feel better.

The girl’s short denim skirt left little to the imagination as she leaned against the counter waiting for her coffee. She turned around to look at her friends, briefly making eye contact with Jace before turning back to the counter.

“Huh?” The single word was more of a gurgle struggling through the mouthful of baked beans.

“Jace, please. How do you expect to make a living with your music when you write no songs? What are you going to perform at gigs?”

Jace looked back at the girl standing at the counter, she laughed carelessly as her red Ray Ban glasses slipped down her nose. He refused to acknowledge Emily, she had ruined him. He was no longer the man he once was, he was nothing but an empty shell.

“Well, what am I supposed to write about? Wars? Poverty? Love? Nobody wants to hear the things I have to say, Em. They want to hear lies, they want to hear that everything is going to be alright but it’s not. Nothing is ever going to be okay. Chaos is what makes the world go round.”

Emily sighed and took a sip of her coffee. The taste was too bitter, she never had been a coffee drinker but she did enjoy it every now and then. Today was not one of those days.

“People just want to hear your opinion, it doesn’t matter what you say.”

“What if I don’t get it right? What if I don’t say the right thing, what if I don’t have the correct opinion? It’s too much pressure, Emily.”

Jace stirred the baked beans on his plate and looked back at the girl. She’d gotten her coffee and was leaving the café.

“Nice catching up, yeah? I’ll talk to you later. There’s something I’ve got to do.”

“Fine. I want you to start writing again though. You can’t just stop existing because we broke up.”

“Well maybe this is how I exist now. People change, shit happens and you move on. This is what I’m doing, I’m moving on and you should too. We were great together, but that wasn’t good enough was it? So now I’m going to be great with somebody else.”

“You cannot be serious,” Emily emptied two packets of sugar into her coffee and stirred it with her finger, “this isn’t existing. This is barely getting by.”

Jace stood up from the table and dropped two ten dollar notes next to his vegetarian breakfast plate. He hurried across the scuffed tiles of the café trying his best not to slip and fall onto the worn floor. Emily observed this new version of her ex-boyfriend, her heart ached as she reminisced on their past relationship. They had to break up, there was nothing else to say about it.

Emily tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair and stood up from the booth as a waitress wobbled over with a check book.

“Not having the best day, darl?” The waitress gave Emily a sympathetic smile as she wiped an orange juice spill from where Jace had been sitting not more than five minutes previous.

“Just building a bridge between the present and the past. It’s hard when you’ve grown up with somebody and now they refuse to acknowledge that. Isn’t it? It’s like, I was a huge part of his life and now… I’m nothing,” Emily sighed, “Sorry, you’ve probably got your own problems.”

“Don’t think about it for a second longer, hun. Do you need me to call a cab?”

“No thanks, Daisy.”

Emily had visited the same café every morning for the past three weeks, she always ordered the same thing but never ate it. Everybody here knew who she was now, she was closer with them then she wer
Eggs would be in a vegetarian breakfast plate because it’s not vegan, neither is he. Also, baked beans are always in breakfast dishes from where I’m from… I hope that doesn’t sound rude 🙂

GardenersCardiff answers:

This is really, really good. Honestly, I’m kinda hoping Emily and Jace get back together, but I haven’t read the whole thing. If I could see more *hinthint* that would be awesome, because it’s a great story! Now, one thing is that there are a few minor problems (such as when you said “Emily tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair…”, it should be “behind her ear”. And also other minor things, but that’s okay)

Now, it wasn’t what he was eating for breakfast that bothered me as much as the time you took to describe how he was cutting and eating the egg. I think you should actually just cut that paragraph, no offense. It just seems to break the flow of the story, and it’s already semi-choppy because of your description of the “fake blonde” (that’s what I nicknamed her, ha ha), but because she has relevance to the story (Jace chases after her), it’s acceptable. But this paragraph:

“Jace used the side of his fork to slice his rubbery fried egg in half. Yolk escaped from the egg, pooling at the corner of the plate and turning brown from excess barbeque sauce. Emily looked on as Jace put half the egg in his mouth in one go. Sauce dribbled down his chin.”

seems to be a bit too much for me, you know? But, other than all that pickiness of mine, I wanna say this is a great story and if you would, do you think we could find a way for me to read the rest? I’m very, very interested already, and would love to see it. Right now, given the information I am, I’m rooting for Jace and Emily to be together again, but then again, the current situation may be for the best.

Well, aside from that, I do like this story. And I hope you continue. I wish you luck! 😀

Sharon asks…

If you lived by yourself do think you would be more prone to being messy?

I’ve been staying at my dad’s house by myself for a couple of weeks while he and my stepmom are abroad, and I’ve slid into the habit of being really untidy. If I’m having a rushed morning I don’t bother putting my coffee mug in the sink or making my bed. He grew up in a boarding school and then was in the Navy, so all that made him a complete neat freak who loathes messy rooms, but I dislike things being in perfect order all the time so I’m sort of cutting loose for a while. When I am at my mom’s I just routinely keep things neat because there’s always someone in the house and I wouldn’t want someone else to have to deal with my mess. I wonder if adults who live by themselves full-time are more prone to being messy than they would be if they had a roommate or family of their own living with them. Do you think your own neatness is just from wanting to be tidy, or is it out of consideration for others living in the house?

GardenersCardiff answers:

Just be yourself. Others will tell you if your too untidy.

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