For the Best Gardeners in the Cardiff Area

   Feb 27

Your Questions About Gardening

Lizzie asks…

How can I get over my bitterness about my poverty and hard childhood?

I can’t stop looking at suburban white people with their perfect live and get bitter.

These white people could afford to have a family car where they could just hop in and drive to the city for fun

They could buy the best stuff for science projects in high school

They never experience any harm or violence, and college is all about partying and having fun because they NEVER have to go through the DEPRESSING bureaucracy of the financial aid office

I’m almost about to cry now.
:-( :-( :-(

GardenersCardiff answers:

I’m sorry you are hurting right now.

I have trouble with bitterness sometimes too.

I am white, my dad was a college professor, i grew up in suburbia, and yet i grew up in poverty, severely neglected by my parents, started working when i was 13 so i had enough to eat… I could tell you some real horror stories. I finally finished a community college, but i paid my own way through working minimum wages and babysitting… I thought because of my dad i couldn’t even qualify for financial aid but i never had any money from him (it was a strange situation). Sometimes i ask myself WHY? How could he have money and care so little for his kids that we’d go hungry? Why did he make it harder for us to succeed in life than if he hadn’t been there at all? I’ve learned “why questions” usually takes my mind nowhere good. “How questions” are better. How am i going to succeed no matter what? How can i leave bitterness behind? How can i feel happy and fortunate today, just as things are?

Anyway, I don’t want to be bitter either. Bitterness just adds to the hardship we’ve already been through. I look at it as heavy stones in my pockets and in a sack on my back. I don’t want bitterness. I want to put the weight of it down and be free of this burden and get on to the good things i deserve. I’ve suffered enough, i don’t need to add to it by carrying anger and hurt.

I can’t tell you i’m free of bitterness, but i can tell you what i do that seems to help me feel better and lighter….

I think of my success against adversity. The first time i went to college, i dropped out… Unofficially… Leaving bad grades on my records. I was depressed, that’s why i dropped out. Small wonder. I’d been through a lot and was still going through a lot and without any support. But later, even though i’d messed up, i went back and faced it, cleared up the problems, retook classes to get rid of the bad grades, and finished Phi Theta Kappa. I had to work my a$$ off to do it. And i know that accomplishment is MINE ALL MINE. Not my dad’s. And i had to leave my excuses at the door to do it.

And i’m sure you have accomplishments, too… That are all YOURS. It’s not just the accomplishment, you see, it’s what YOU know you had to struggle with to succeed that makes you proud of yourself. It makes you a deeper person… More valuable than spoon-fed idiots who are a dime a dozen. Did you know that more self-made millionaires were born in poverty than were born comfortably? It’s true! But that’s just outward success. Things we go through makes us more compassionate towards others. I think that matters a lot more.

I also… And this was hard… Try to remember all the good from my family and my experiences growing up, and i try not to overlook any advantage or resource i have, no matter how small. No one’s youth is completely grim, no matter how bad it was. Like Oprah said once, “What you focus on, increases.” All the more reason not to focus on the things that make us feel bitter, but instead on the things that make us feel grateful and lucky. Don’t focus on what disadvantages you’ve had, look at your blessings and resources and your own talents and heart and mind. Everyone has resources… You have people in your life, you have yourself, you have things you’ve learned that are useful. Build on that good.

I’m glad you asked this question… Because it reminded me of some things i need to remember. I’m open to messages, if you’d like to talk some more, and i hope you feel better soon.

Maria asks…

How many lessons a month to improve horse?

Like I said in my other question, I just got a new horse that I feel like I could go anywere with. Point her nose and there we go but… I would like to do more than that. I think I want to do eventng with her but she’s only 5 and never jumped (well, on purpose lol, she will hop over trot poles depending on how fast we go over them).

I already take weekly lessons on a lesson horse but I want lessons on this one too… I’m thinking twice a month on her. And each time the instructor can give me “homework”. I don’t know if I want to do two lessons a week one on my trained lesson horse and one on my personal horse because then I might get confused! The lessons horse helps me a lot and is more trained and I can show on her, my own horse is more for fun for now. Maybe I can show with her as we grow. :)

What do you think? two lessons a month or should I see how one lesson a week on top of the weekly lessons I already have? Yikes that might get expensive though! maybe I should rotate, every other week? :(
guys, the reason why I want to take lessons on a very well trained lesson horse is because she helps my ridng A LOT. I get a feel of how it’s supposed to be and I don’t want to lose that feel. But I will take more lessons on my lease horse now

GardenersCardiff answers:

I think you should be riding your own horse in the riding lessons- that way you would get to ride your own horse, and your horse would benefit from the experience of being ridden with other horses in that kind of atmosphere, which would make her a better riding horse for you. And if you are having trouble with her during the lesson, your instructor would be able to help you fix the trouble.

If you want, you could still ride the riding school horse once a month, but if you did ride your own horse in the lessons, your horse would quickly become a better riding horse.

Nancy asks…

What’s with people that assume every white person that likes Hip Hop and dresses as such is a wigger?

Granted there are wannabes out there but are people that ignorant to think there’s no whites that grew up in the hood?

So how is being yourself fake?

Also what is “acting Black” anyway. There are Blacks that hate Hip Hop. There are Black skaters. There are Blacks that like Rock.

I find assumptions as this ridiculous.

Please discuss here.

GardenersCardiff answers:

Those types of people are ignorant. Its sad to say that it is a stereotype people give others based on a musical genre. I am a fan of hip-hop culture all together. I get told I’m “acting black” when I go out to the night club and dance to hip hop music just because people say I dance like a black girl. I think it is rude to put any one in any type of category, and if someone has a problem with it its their own ignorance of not knowing anything!

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