Your Questions About Gardening

How do I tell my garden gnomes to stop attacking me?

About last week they started attacking me for some reason. I don’t even know why, it may be because my brother killed one with a baseball bat. But then, why wouldn’t they vent their anger on him and not me? I offered them fudge cake as a peace offering but they wouldn’t accept it. And now my neighbor is getting tired of translating for them, I need to do something fast! Hiring a spanish translator would be too expensive. What do I do?

Do garden gnomes serve in place of a security system?

I dont really want to buy a home security system and im a huge gnome collector, so can I just put them outside to protect my yard. I dont want to be in any danger, but i want to save money. i live in a pretty safe neighborhood anyway. Is this a good idea?

What would you do to defend yourself from an attack of an army of garden gnomes?